Deadpool (2nd series) #25

Issue Date: 
February 1999
Story Title: 
Dead Reckoning: part 3: What The World Needs Now…
Staff: 

Joe Kelly (writer), Walter McDaniel (pencils), Whitney McFarland, Ramos, Wong, Elmer & Koblish (colors), Matt Hicks (pencils), RS & Comicraft’s Emerson Miranda (letters), Matt Idelson (editor), Bob Harras (editor-in-chief)

Brief Description: 

In Egypt, Dixon and his aides prepare Captain America for his confrontation with the Destroyer and give him a robotic suit to wear for his own protection. Though Cap dislikes the suit, he decides to go for it. Elsewhere, Blind Al, Gerry and Zoe are still searching for the missing Deadpool. Gerry has an idea: he sends Zoe back to the Landau, Luckman & Lake base so she can rescue Monty and he travels with Al back in time. They travel a few months back, where Deadpool was confronting Sasquatch. The real Deadpool is trying to figure out why Zoe and Noah were so stubborn to have him as the Mithras, even though Noah wasn’t certain that they had the right target. After a pep-talk from Al, who tells him a story of an adventure she had with a true hero during World War II, they travel back to the present. Cap is defeated by Tiamat but luckily Wade arrives on the scene. But on that very moment, the strange comet also lands on Earth and is revealed to be the Destroyer, the true enemy. He even overtakes Captain America’s body to have more power. With Tiamat being too stubborn to kill Wade, his council bosses strip him off his powers and armor and temporarily give it to Deadpool. They telepathically teach him what the Destroyer is all about, and Wade realizes the danger and manages to defeat him and bring Cap back to normal. Some time later, Zoe is promoted as new Overboss of Landau, Luckman & Lake. Dixon gets put into a mental institution, watched over by the three main bosses of LL&L. After receiving a kiss from Monty, Zoe decided that he is of no longer use to the company. Captain America doesn’t remember much of the whole thing and has been sent home. Unfortunately, Deadpool, Blind Al, Gerry, Tiamat and the Destroyer have all vanished from sight. Zoe suggests that the company forgets of ever having met Wade, and heads to her training.

Full Summary: 

Egypt…

A tourist and his wife, Rhoda, are getting upset at a Landau, Luckman & Lake representative because they are being chased away from their holiday spot in Egypt, which Roda spend three years of cutting coupons for to be on. Igor claims he’s the representative of the brotherhood of dealers of propane and accessories, and he refuses to be treated this way. The representative tries to calm them down, but doesn’t really know what to say. A Blackout agent whispers him what to say into his ear, and the representative lies that they are dealing with terrorists who, on their turn, plan on activating bombs. Igor doesn’t believe that, so the Blackout agents drag them away with Igor being afraid he’s going to be sold into a white slavery ring.

Dixon arrives in Egypt, and remembers. All these years of planning, the intricately crafted deceptions, countless nights of spending watching other people’s backs… it’s finally paying off. Each heartbeat brings the alien Messiah closer to Earth and, when it touches down, there in the searing heart of the Egyptian desert, history will record that Dixon brought peace to the Earth. The anticipation alone is almost enough to make one forget the backstabbing, deception and murder to get there. Almost. Dixon will never wash Noah’s blood from his hands but, in his heart, believes that Noah understands why he had to die. Dixon believes that, if Noah were there, he thinks he would be as giddy as he is right now. Dixon notices a flower in the sand and plucks it, never knowing before that flowers could grow around these parts.

Dixon walks over to some scientists of his and wants to know if they are ready. The scientists have checked and double-checked and, being amazed at their own work, their hero is good to go. Cap tells Dixon that, up until now, he has gone along with his little operation, but he doesn’t see the necessary point of the contraption. Dixon smiles that it has all been foreseen, so they can’t ignore that. The true Mithras, the man designed to protect the Messiah from his would-be assassin, Tiamat, was born to wear the robotic armor Cap now wears for the final conflict.

That’s a fact Dixon mentions to Cap that his predecessor unfortunately failed to glom upon, hence his tragic death. Dixon claims that everything is going perfectly and as planned. Cap knows that hardware like this usually isn’t his style but, if Dixon insists, he’ll just give it a try. But, Cap has one question left: if it was foreseen for Cap to wear this fancy suit, he wants to know why the paint on it is still fresh?! Dixon ignores that statement and tells everyone to get ready, as there’s only two hours left before touchdown!

Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, Gerry’s underground lair…

Blind Al is upset because they have lost Deadpool and fears they are all doomed. And she refuses to buy it on a velour beanbag in some cosmic bum’s swank-hole. Zoe tells Gerry to stop drinking and to start explaining this. Gerry explains that he faked his own death and sacrificed his life as intergalactic mogul boss to save the world. So, he supposes Zoe shows a little respect for him when she’s talking down to him, but knows that probably won’t happen.

Gerry knows Dixon figured to ice Zoe, Al and Deadpool by blowing up his house. Gerry grabbed the three of them out at the very last second, by using a temporal displacement teleporter so they could continue to operate, but in secret. Only, when Deadpool came to and it hit him that his pal, “Gerry the homeless dude,” was actually “Gerry the guy with strange and wonderful powers who had been pulling the puppet strings tied around his neck for months now,” Wade freaked out. He even used Noah’s teleporter and bolted. And now, Gerry can’t find Wade anywhere.

Zoe thinks this is unfathomable. The most critical point in the development of human civilization has been thrown off schedule, only because a smelly old man in a tie-dye surprised the Mithras and “freaked him out!” Zoe wants that explained. Gerry knows Zoe thinks this anal retentive vibe of hers is an asset, but he would appreciate if he would stop yelling and think laterally instead. Zoe can’t believe her ears! She has spent the last several years of her career prepping a psychotic mercenary to play nursemaid for a Messiah from outer space! That is not the behavior of a myopic thinker.

Gerry wants a time out. He believes this whole thing is getting him bummed out, and he doesn’t need Zoe coming down on him right now. He needs to keep things moving. Gerry gets an idea: Monty! Zoe doesn’t know what Gerry is talking about. She remembers that she had to leave him behind with Dixon, and thinks Monty’s precognition powers make him too valuable for Dixon to kill him. Suddenly, she starts teleporting away and wants to know what Gerry is doing. Gerry believes that, powers or no, Monty is in trouble. And he thinks that, if someone doesn’t separates Monty from Dixon, the guy may not make it to the other side of this, so he suggests Zoe goes and see what she can do to keep Monty alive. Zoe wants to wait but Gerry ignores her, and she teleports away.

Al wants to know where Gerry sent Zoe. Almost having forgot about that place, Gerry mentions he sent Zoe to Egypt. He had a lot of people to keep up with, so it’s understandable he sometimes forgets things. Al can imagine that juggling with people’s lives can really twist someone’s boxers, but she wants to get something straight: Gerry may be able to surf space and time like it’s a trip to the John, but Al thinks his people skills leave something to be desired.

Gerry is confused when Al mentions space and time and starts thinking. Al continues to say that she’s going to let it slide this time, on account that Gerry saved her bum from being blown up. But, since they are being all open up and touchy feely, she wants to know what crawled up into Gerry’s armpits and died, because he reeks. Gerry has got a great idea about time, and kisses Al! Al wants to know what that was about. Hesitating, Gerry turns away, thanking Al for the time idea but has to go prepare something. Al suggests that Gerry goes to get some gum as well, should he choose to molest her again.

Egypt…

Getting awake, Monty believes that things are coming, while below death appears. Suddenly, he comes back to senses. He notices Dixon, who mentions he just gave Monty something to bring him back to the land of the living. Monty wants to know what his phone number and potato salad is. Dixon thinks Monty’s an idiot. He wonders how many times he has to go over this with the geniuses in MEDS? Accelerated metabolism should always be tripled.

Monty turns back to normal and recognizes Dixon. He assumes that Dixon disrupted his beauty sleep to force-feed him more information to Captain America. However, that’s hardly the case right now. He mentions to Monty that he played his part perfectly. He knew that Monty would never trust a guy like him, as they are from different stations, but a fortune-telling cripple is golden. Captain America is on board and the true Mithras is finally ready for touchdown. Dixon woke Monty up so that he could run precognitive-scans during the battle.

Monty thinks that’s fine and tells Dixon his first prediction: Deadpool is the real Mithras! And without him, Dixon will loose. Dixon angrily shouts that Deadpool is dead and that he never was the Mithras and that Monty was wrong. And now, Monty can choose to live as a lament, rotting piece of human waste or to help the future. Monty laughs at the future. He knows that the future does need saving, more than Dixon knows. Monty wonders if Dixon would like to know what he was dreaming about while he had him hepped up on goofball. Monty dreamed about the sky boiling over the desert. He saw the clash of gods and the arrival of the Messiah. And as a bonus… Monty saw Dixon… die!

Dixon is startled. With an angry look on his face, Monty tells Dixon that he can believe him when he tells him that he enjoyed every throbbing moment of the death immensely. It made up for everything Dixon did to him and to his friends. And above all, this precognition made Monty finally smile again. Dixon takes off and angrily slams the door behind him. Monty thinks it’s amazing how easy it is to become insubordinate to the universe’s most tyrannical boss, once one has foreseen the man’s death. As Dixon walks out, he can’t believe the troll actually thought he was going to die. But, Dixon doesn’t bother to look up, where the sky is indeed starting to boil up a bit.

Meanwhile, somewhere…

Al gets a feeling that what’s about to happen is make her going to be glad she’s blind. Gerry mentions that trans-dimensional travel is not that bad, once you get used to the vertigo, claustrophobia and sense of falling in every direction at the same time. Suddenly a “ding” sound is heard. Al wants to know what that was about. Gerry mentions that they have arrived, though technically it’s not a “here” where they are, but a “hence.” A portal opens and Gerry holds Al’s hand, warning her to watch her step. Al wants to know what Gerry is talking about.

Suddenly, a loud scream is heard, demanding to know what Deadpool has done! Al freaks out and Gerry mentions that Sasquatch can’t hurt her, as they are out of phase with this timespace. They can see the events but not interact with them. Al calms down but, in the name of Richard Dawson’s toupee, was that all about. Deadpool suggests that Walter helps him out and suffers a cardiac arrest, for old times sake. Gerry recognizes Sasquatch but knows that normally he’s much more mellow. He looks at Walter’s destroyed lab, understanding why the guy is so angry.

Al remembers that Deadpool and Sasquatch tussled months ago and wants to know where they are. Walter picks Wade up and threatens that, if Walter doesn’t let him go, he’ll lick his hand. Gerry reminds Al that “when” they are is important around here and asks her to follow him. He starts phasing through a wall and Al asks the hippie to wait as she just heard Deadpool’s voice. Gerry corrects Al that she heard Wade from the past, and they are looking for their Wade, the one from the present. Somehow, he managed to timeslip with Noah’s teleporter and come back to this point, though Gerry has no clue why Wade would bother, as it’s not like Wade can change history.

They search through the lab, and find Deadpool! But he’s eavesdropping on the past versions of Zoe and Noah, who were eavesdropping at him at the time. They overhear Zoe asking Noah to wait, confident he’ll do the right thing as soon as Sasquatch gets him to listen. Noah believes that Wade is broken and that everything around him is corrupted. If he would be asked, they just tricked the guy into vaporizing the Southern Hemisphere and thinks Deadpool will kill them all. Not to Monday morning QB, but Wade tries to tell Zoe that he would listen to Noah on this one. After all, for a dead man, Noah is a fantastic judge of character.

Egypt, present time…

The serenity of the live-giving Nile River is suddenly broken by a creature of sublime destructive potential. Tiamat has arrived! Riding on a mysterious wild creature, Tiamat has arrived in the sand, foretold as the site of his final destiny. It’s where this intrepid champion will destroy the Ultimate Destroyer, the being that would enslave his universe. Inwardly, he beams at the knowledge that the end of his lifelong quest is near, that the prophecies are falling into its place.

Tiamat has completed the training. He has mastered the weapons, slaughtered his enemies, and killed the Mithras. At least, he thinks so. There was no body, but surely that vile ally of the Destroyer is undone, right? The sand gives no answer…

Ten thousand miles above the Nile…

The crew of a NASA shuttle discovery has just filled its final report. A gasp, a giggle, and blissful nothingness. The astronauts stare outside the shuttle window and look at the mysterious comet, and smile. The Messiah… is near.

Antarctica, many months ago…

Al wants to go over to Deadpool but Gerry holds him back. He believes that, ostensibly, Wade has a reason for jumping back there and wants to find out what that reason is. They overhear Wade thinking that this is weird, like Larry King’s hair weird, but he is pulling the Casper riff here in the past. But he knows that in real life, Noah is dead. Wade listens to Noah, telling Zoe that Deadpool is a criminal of the highest order, and he doesn’t want to take him out to save the world and end up with a knife in his back.

Wade mentions that when he stepped into that fancy LL&L teleporter, a certain voice asked him where he wanted to go. Wade had a few nifty ideas, like visiting Tyra’s linen closet, his usual table back at Babes, but what came out was “why not go back to the beginning, so he can blow his brains out and save everyone the trouble.” He compliments Noah on that teleporter of his but, once Wade realized his Medulla was still connected to his oblongata, he figured it had its limits. So they can color him surprised when he turns a corner and peeps the two of them spying on him. It’s a small time stream.

Zoe claims that Deadpool is changing. She knows she doesn’t have a lot of empirical evidence, but she knows Wade is… evolving. She truly believes he’s going to be the best hero the world has ever known. Wade thinks that here, this place, that this was the first time he spit in the tomato juice (so to speak). This was where, instead of walking away, he took responsibility for someone other than himself and tried to play hero for a change. He thinks that might have been a big mistake. So, here they are. Sasquatch is about to convince Deadpool to use his healing factor to prevent a lot of damage.

At the time, Wade had no clue he was going to pull a Kenny before the Minoxodyl kicks in, and he short of figured, you know. Wade knows he has done a lot of bad things. He made enough concrete slippers to drown the Moonies, ruined more lives than the IRS, but he never messed up on this scale before. He never damned a planet because he took a job he wasn’t qualified for. But for a while, Wade thought he could really do it. Zoe and Noah had him pumped. The tea leaves were all falling in the right directions, but it was all bunk.

Wade overhears Sasquatch mentioning his cancer remark and that it was because of that remark he decided to help out. Wade wonders if anyone knows what it’s like after spending a lifetime watching out for nobodies back but his own, and then bam! Out of the blue, he’s suddenly responsible for the lives of eight billion slobs he doesn’t even know. He thinks it’s impossible for the human mind to comprehend. So, to make up for that “hey, stop the world, I wanna throw up” sensation, a brain manufactures medicine. They were concepts he caught on a stray episode of “Bonanza” like “Right, honor and glory.”

They were beautiful ideals to cling to while he jumps off a cliff he had no right to climb on in the first place. Wade admits he got lost in the fantasy, that maybe, he really deserved it, that for once… he could pull it off. But now he believes that Noah was right all along. That Noah had him pegged from day one, and Wade wishes that Noah would have told him what he was thinking, because it would have saved them, as the entire world, a universe of hurt. As Wade of the past goes inside the tank to safe everybody’s lives, Zoe asks Noah what he thinks of Deadpool now as he looked a lot like their man to her.

Noah still thinks Deadpool is a semi-talented mercenary who got lucky that Sasquatch told him how to shut down the reactor. He doesn’t think Wade is a hero simply because he didn’t irradiate the southern hemisphere. No, Noah corrects himself; he thinks Deadpool is a hero because he tried to prevent the disaster! This startles Wade. Noah explains himself; that without logical reason to think he could succeed, a self-centered killer with nothing to gain went against all of his natural instincts and tried to save the day. Not for a reward, not under orders of a waving flag; Wade did it because in some corner of his heart, Noah believes Deadpool knew it was the right thing to do.

Deadpool is still confused. Noah isn’t saying that he thinks Deadpool is definitely the Mithras, as he still needs to train and to work. However, from what Noah has seen today, even if, God forbid, they were wrong about the merc, he has shown Noah that he’s got the heart of a hero. Wade wonders why Noah had to become a jerk of a sudden and say that last phrase. Al explains that Noah said it because it’s true. Gerry thinks it’s time that they prove to Wade that he still is a hero.

Egypt, the present…

Landau, Luckman & Lake security guards rush into action as the alarm goes off. Zoe gracefully jumps in and defeats them, but then hears a noise wondering what it was all about. Outside, Tiamat has arrived and declares war! Dixon can’t stand to listen to Tiamat’s alien speech and asks Monty if Captain America is ready. Monty doesn’t know, asking if Cap was never meant to fight the alien monster, how can he be ready today?

Outside, in his robotic suit, Cap flies towards Tiamat and they commence their battle of gods!

NASA’s mission control center, Houston…

General Ross has been called in for help because the senator is on board the Discovery shuttle and could be in danger. Ross thinks it’s typical and mocks that it’s the Astronauts’ jobs to warn them about danger from outer space. And once again, it’s up to the Air Force to stop it. The NASA investigators believe there may have been sabotage, but that’s not good enough for Ross: he wants prove as they might be dealing with an invasion. He calls to the White House and wants an intercept phalanx sent to Egypt.

San Francisco, the present…

Gerry and Al have brought Deadpool back to the proper timeline, and Wade is still confused that Gerry’s surname is Lequare, the believed dead associate of Landau, Luckman & Lake. Gerry admits that he has known from day one that Wade is the Mithras, but on day one, Wade was still self-centered, irrational and a pure killer. Al warns Gerry to stop calling Wade names and, if not, he can insult his mama and they can have a rumble.

Gerry admits to Wade that, except of spilling the beans when they first met, he chose to chill and observe Wade’s development, helping out where he could. Eventually, Zoe and Noah approached him and informed Wade about his destiny, but Gerry knew that Wade wasn’t ready. Sure, Wade was a fighter, but always for the wrong reasons, like money, revenge and women. Gerry wonders if Wade even remembers that Typhoid Mary fiasco from a while back. Wade doesn’t even want to go there.

But Gerry ignores that request. Things finally started to click once he let Wade be obliterated by that maniac, T-Ray. With an evil tone in his voice, Wade asks Gerry to wait. He thought he heard Gerry saying that he had a hand in one of the most devastating moments in his young life, which clearly means that one of them is having an episode. Gerry knows Wade heard what he said. He wanted T-Ray to kick the snot out of Deadpool, and the guy did. Wade wants to know how Gerry could put him through that. Gerry claims things will only get better from now on.

He knew that, three months ago, Wade was going to lose against Tiamat as well. But Wade can take a guess: he needed to get beaten up. Gerry explains to Wade that, each time he slams into a brick wall, he learns just a little bit more about himself and that’s what makes Wade so special. After the battle against T-Ray, he figured out that playing hero and actually being a hero aren’t the same things. After the Ajax thing, Wade believed he was worthy of a glorious destiny and reached for the brass ring. Finally, after Tiamat, Wade learned that destiny alone isn’t worth spit. He learned that he’s a mook caught in a big black tornado with one shot left at doing the right thing.

Gerry suggests that Wade forgets about the whole “Mithras” and “destiny” thingies, because all that’s left is a problem and solution. And of course, there’s the choice. It has always been about choice and free will. And now, Gerry thinks Deadpool is ready to accept the responsibility of the choice that awaits him. He opens a green-lighted teleportation portal and thinks Wade is ready to step through it. Gerry believes Wade is ready to do the right thing, no matter the cost or outcome. He asks Wade if he believes Noah was right about him. Or was if he was completely wrong.

Hesitant, Wade turns away from Gerry and defends that Noah is dead, and fears that he’ll be dead as well if he goes up against Tiamat again. He thinks that the game is over. Gerry is confused, as with the speech he just said Deadpool was supposed to get inspired again! Al jokes that sure was a smooth move Gerry made, mentioning Noah’s name.

Egypt…

Dixon becomes angry with Monty and wants him to report recent events. Monty reveals that the alien has now visual range and that everybody knows about it. NORAD, NATO and SHIELD included, and they shall all attack. Dixon isn’t interested in that, but wants to hear about the battle outside. Monty apologizes. He asks Dixon if he’s afraid of death. Monty admits he used to be afraid, but now that he knows what’s going to happen to Dixon, Monty thinks his finally is pretty tame. He stops talking, apologizing for his wandering mind and asks Dixon if he wanted to know something about his second string.

With an evil tone in his voice, Dixon corrects that he indeed wants to know about the true Mithras, Captain America. Dixon points his finger at Monty, and from the top he reveals that fire can come out of it! He threatens to use it on Monty if he doesn’t do his precognition thing for him, as Dixon always wondered what Monty’s already burned skin would feel like when it’s touched by fire. Suddenly, Dixon is shot at. It’s Zoe! With a huge smile on her face, Zoe asks Monty if he’s alright. Monty is startled to see that Zoe came back for him. Yongsoo wants to defend his master, but Dixon tells him not to. He wants him to focus on Tiamat and the battle outside, while he’ll personally deal with Zoe!

Outside…

Captain America manages to slam Tiamat down. Tiamat himself gets up again and receives a telepathic call from his bosses. Milos orders Tiamat not to stall things any more and finish the hero off, so he can prepare himself for the transformation. Tiamat wants to wait for that, as destiny gave him that right so he can properly deal with the Destroyer.

In his robotic suit, Cap isn’t certain about the battle anymore, recognizing almost something noble about the way Tiamat fights. He wonders. Cap looks up towards the skies and recognizes US fighter planes arriving, thinking word must have gone out about the battle. Tiamat notices Cap being confused and slices right through his suit! The alien believes that destiny has chosen her son wisely.

Gerry’s place…

Al meets up with Wade, who wants to know what she thinks about all this. Al mentions that during her prime day, she saw some action overseas and met a lot of boys. She was busy fighting Hitler in her backyard and all that. One of the boys, whom Al called “Blondie,” was what someone would call a true hero, as he was always throwing himself on top of grenades and such.

She takes out a medal, which belonged to Blondie. He gave it to Al in Moscow, which was the last time they saw each other. They were pretty close. One time, Al asked Blondie what it felt like to be a Newsreel Darling, like a bona fide hero. She remembers Blondie looking at her with those eyes that were always bright, but also sad at the same time, and he said to her “I’m not a hero. I’m just a guy who tried to do the right thing. And I didn’t end up getting shot in the end.”

Al believes that that crazy old man Gerry is right about Wade. She knows Wade has been trying to be a hero for all this time now and of course he blew it, because it’s not a thing you can end up by trying to be it. It’s also not a thing someone can aspire another man to be. Being a hero is not even a thing a human being really needs in life. People just need a guy who can get the job done, and remembers to duck long enough to finish. Wade wants to know if he can finish it off when he’s too scared to do it and wants to know if Blondie ever had to deal with that. Al, while taking off, remembers that, when she and Blondie were alone together, holding one another and trembling in the dark, it was all Blondie talked about. She leaves Wade, who starts to think things over.

Egypt…

The planes start firing and notice a comet heading towards them! Below, Milos orders Tiamat to commence his transformation, since there’s no more time to waste as the Destroyer has arrived! Cap starts to panic, as his armor has been damaged badly and can’t get up. Everyone, from Monty, Dixon, Zoe, Tiamat to Captain America himself panic, as they see the purple comet approaching, in which alien things lie inside.

Tiamat has had enough of Captain America and slices through his shield and partly hits the hero, causing him a great deal of pain. The comet lands, and its legs reveal themselves. Tiamat is ready for the confrontation, but then gets shot by… Deadpool! Tiamat doesn’t know how the Mithras can still be alive and wants to deal with him first before the Destroyer. This isn’t to the liking of Milos, but Tiamat ignores him. Wade looks up at the Destroyer comet and is a bit disappointed by its looks, having thought it would be a little more divine, like a naked Uma Thurman and not like a Muppet on steroids.

While Tiamat goes over to fight Deadpool, his bosses think their champion has gone mad and want to council about what to do about it. Elsewhere, Cap has been pushed to safety by Deadpool. Cap doesn’t recognize the guy, but at least managed to get out of his suit. He wants to know what’s going on and who could be insane enough to fight Tiamat alone. Tiamat manages to grab Deadpool by his throat, but the Elders have seen enough. The Destroyer has opened its shell and started enslaving the planet and they can’t have that. So, they must do the unthinkable to Tiamat and he suddenly feels pain! Plus, they attack Deadpool with weird looking rays and he can see their pasts.

But nobody told him Spielberg was going to direct this death scene. This looks just like “Saving Private Parts.” Milos calls out to Wade, who thinks he must be dealing with Mickey Rooney. The council admits that the communication isn’t easy for them and only had to touch his filthy mind because they had no other choice. Wade is wracked in a horrible pain as he receives a mental overload. The council defends that they aren’t attacking him, and that the pain is just a side effect. They want to explain to him the tooth of the teabag, namely the truth about Tiamat, their champion, and the truth about the Mithras, or, as they call it, the Destroyer.

Wade can’t believe that the council is going to expect him to listen to that. They reveal that, throughout its voyages across the entire universe, the Destroyer brings peace, in exchange for free will making complete zombies out of people. They had send their children to Earth over three hundred years ago to wait, grow and change, so they could learn how to stop the Destroyer before it reached their home. Wade wants the council to wrap it up since he knows the Mithras is supposed to bring peace and put an end to all wars and make a golden age forever.

The council admits that’s true, but that there shall be no more wars because there shall be no more free will. Wade wants to know, if what the council is saying is true, why not simply tell someone and why send Tiamat to rearrange his derriere. The council mentions there are two answers, which are difficult for them to explain and painful. But, the have learned that humanity is lazy. They want peace in exchange for no work at all, which they think appeal to Wade’s kind. They are too willing to give themselves over to the “higher power” because they have no sense of responsibility towards themselves. They see free will as the greatest gift in all the universe, as without it there can be no conflict or love. And also there can be no civilization, which the Destroyer tends to end. Tiamat is now obsessed with destroying Deadpool, destiny, but they know their champion isn’t thinking, as destiny without free will is just a word.

Wade wants to know if the council perhaps hung out with Gerry, as their words sound familiar to his. Wade wants to know what the aliens want. They touch Wade’s head with their fingers, and a glow appears! The council reveals to Deadpool that he was chosen by their people as he represents the best humanity has to offer. They want Deadpool to chose to fulfill his destiny and to become the champion of Earth. The council strips Tiamat of his armor, and transforms it onto Deadpool!

With Wade standing triumphantly, the council wants him to finally be the hero and to kill the Destroyer. Wade thinks he’s going to scream like a little fairy. Dixon panics, as he can see what happened to Deadpool. Monty reminds Dixon that he told him the true Mithras would wear armor. Zoe gets up again. Everything is becoming so clear to Monty again, referring to the truth Dixon kept to him with all the drugs and shocks. Zoe wants to know what Monty’s saying. Monty explains that there’s so little time to explain it before it hits. There’s no time for anything, except for one thing. Monty grabs Zoe closer to him, and kisses her!

The wave of purple bliss washes over the desert, from Egypt to Africa and further. Deadpool freaks out with him wearing Tiamat’s armor and desperately tries to get it off, as he hasn’t agreed to do anything. The council tries to explain that the armor is for Wade’s own protection but he doesn’t want to listen. The Destroyer approaches Wade and asks the Mithras why he wants to kill him. Wade tries to apologize to the Destroyer, swearing that it isn’t him who wants him dead.

The Destroyer transforms into Captain America, though is recognizable because he now has an evil look on his face. The Destroyer claims that he only tries to bring peace, where before there was only pain. Deadpool finally realizes that Captain America is the second string, but doesn’t really understand that the Destroyer has transformed into him. Wade is happy to finally see a true hero, but then finally realizes the truth when he looks closer to Cap’s eyes: they are pure white and no pupils! So, unless Cap is Bob Hope escaped from a home in his underoos, so he has to fight him. The Destroyer has completely taken over Cap’s body.

Deadpool angrily slams the Destroyer. Wade angrily shouts that bringing peace by taking away people’s free will isn’t the right thing to do. However, the Destroyer doesn’t care about that; he only wants peace. He quickly runs towards Wade and grabs him tightly, and Wade gets tired. The council takes over the control of Wade’s body and starts hurting the Destroyer, but Wade doesn’t want to see Cap hurt. He tries to explain to the council that there has to be another way. The Destroyer tries to convince Wade that the only way to end this thing is by letting him take everyone on Earth’s free will, and finally let peace rule the planet.

Wade suggests that they play Rochambeau for it. The Destroyer gets confused, as he doesn’t know what that is. Wade lies that it is a game guys like him play to help them settle things. The Destroyer, with an evil smile on his face, agrees to play the game if it helps Wade let go. Wade quickly kicks the Destroyer in his groin, causing the alien comet-creature to jump out of Captain America’s body! The Destroyer reaches towards the skies and wants to know why Wade is doing this. He just wants to do the right thing, but knows there’s no way of knowing for sure this is the right thing to do.

Captain America drops down into the sand, and Deadpool and the Destroyer head into space. The two alien bodies mesh with the sound of wet glass being chewed and, for a moment, both Deadpool and the Destroyer feel like they are sharing the same soul. With dying eyes, they watch as worlds spanning countless light years return to awareness, some with a sight of relief, while others are crushed beneath the unbearable burden of free thought of responsibility, and simply for being alive. As an infinite tangle of images tear through their mind(s), the Destroyer sputters “Well? Is this better? Is this what you wanted?”

Somewhere, an officer goes down. A bloody invasion is joyously approved. The homeless genius, Gerry, smiles as his life’s work is a success. A future astronaut makes her first journey when she is born. Someone breaks another’s heart. A father of three children dies over only thirteen dollars. An unknown artist reinvents the wheel. And Deadpool replies “I have no clue.”

They stop fighting. The armor gets torn off Deadpool’s body and they land back into the Egyptian desert. Tiamat, getting up, feels devastated as he was so close but then everything got stolen away from him. Captain America gets up as well, but doesn’t remember much of what happened after his arrival. Cap suddenly recalls Tiamat, but he has already vanished. Cap looks down and finds a golden medal. There’s an inscription on it, which reads “to Althea, thank you for reminding me what it means to be a hero. Ever yours… Steve?” Cap remembers the time he shared with Blind Al when they were young, and that the medal used to belong to him and wants to know what happened here. As Cap walks away, Deadpool gets up as well, gasping for some fresh air.

Overboss report: conclusion:

The last image LL&L saw of Deadpool and the Destroyer was when they landed back into the sand in Egypt. They have no evidence of either entity being found at the scene. The second string, Captain America, remembers nothing of his possession by the Destroyer, nor the short bliss effect he endured. Though Cap feels angry, and pledging to “get to the bottom of this,” the scientists of LL&L treated Cap’s injuries and send him back home.

The world governments have no idea that LL&L was involved. Publicly, they have dismissed the incident as space weapons research. The event itself was called a “cosmic hiccup” in the media, spun as a natural psionic phenomenon by Earth’s people. Apparently, the human mind cannot suffer the fact that it had attained fulfillment, and that the state of bliss had been taken away. As a result, the phenomenon is forgotten, buried in the subconscious, except for those people who make records, like Landau, Luckman & Lake. Thanks to Dixon’s foresight, no other sightings could be recorded.

Gerry Lequare has also disappeared. The base suspects that he knew the Mithras would destroy the alien but has no proof. The Mithras’ aged companion, Alfred, has also departed, though no one is complaining about that. The precognition known as Montgomery suffered a terminal malfunction during the final conflict with Tiamat. He began experiencing certain… unauthorized emotions. Suffice to say is, he is no longer of value to this program and has been decommissioned. In truth, Zoe simply left Monty behind alone in his dark cellar.

Former Overboss Dixon, he suffered a complete breakdown as his house of cards fell around him. Failing to bring the world its Messiah left him a shell of the man he once was. He is now in a mental institution, ruled over the three main bosses of Landau, Luckman & Lake. Flowers were tried to be sent to Dixon’s family as a matter of procedure, but it was discovered that Dixon has no family. Tiamat remains a mystery. Nobody knows for sure if he possessed the Mithras, or if he was a victim of his own weaponry. Scans for him turn up to be negative.

But the greatest mystery of all, the Mithras himself, Deadpool, remains unresolved. Nobody knows why Deadpool turned on the Mithras, or how he managed to used Tiamat’s weapons in order to do so. Perhaps, as Dixon quite often suggested, Wade Wilson truly is insane. Or perhaps, as Monty proposed, there was more to Deadpool than met the eye. Perhaps in that moment of truth, the Mithras took the destiny of a world in his hand, and made even though it was a painful one, the right decision for everyone. For now, Deadpool has vanished without a trace, and Landau, Luckman & Lake’s new Overboss wants to immediately initiate a search for him after returning from her training.

Zoe, sitting in her new office and wearing her new Overboss clothing, has a better idea and orders the computer to delete everything she said until the word “perhaps.” She thinks that perhaps Wade Wilson is just the greatest screw-up the world has ever known. Zoe’s recommendation is to strike all record of Wilson’s involvement with Landau, Luckman & Lake and to leave him alone, and to forget they even met him. Zoe sends her e-mail to her bosses, but not before thanking them for the fruit basket they send her when she received her promotion as new Overboss, as the basket was really… big.

Characters Involved: 

Deadpool

Blind Al

Captain America

Dixon, Monty, Zoe Culloden (both Landau, Luckman & Lake)

Gerry Lequare

Landau, Luckman & Lake themselves (in shadows only)

Tiamat

Milos (one of Tiamat’s bosses)

the Destroyer

General Thaddeus “Thunderbolt” Ross

Landau, Luckman & Lake’s Blackout soldiers & scientists (all unnamed)

Igor & Rhoda (tourists)

NASA Astronauts (all unnamed)

throughout Al’s & Gerry’s trip to the past:

Deadpool

Sasquatch

Noah, Zoe Culloden (both Landau, Luckman & Lake)

Story Notes: 

This issue is giant-sized: 38 pages story-wise!

The flashback concerning Deadpool and Sasquatch is taken from Deadpool (2nd series) #1.

Dixon sent Noah into his death in Deadpool (2nd series) #22. He blew up Deadpool’s house in San Francisco in Deadpool (2nd series) #23. Deadpool has been missing ever since.

Deadpool’s history with Typhoid Mary can be found throughout Deadpool (2nd series) #7-14 and in Daredevil/Deadpool Annual 1997. Wade’s battle with his archenemy, T-Ray, was fought in Deadpool (2nd series) #13. The story about his confrontation with Ajax can be found throughout Deadpool (2nd series) #14-19 and the Deadpool/Death Annual 1998.

First mentioning that Blind Al lived through World War II. The “Blondie” she mentions having had a relationship with is of course Captain America, nicknamed due to his blond hair, as gets cleared up towards the end of this story when Steve finds the medal he gave Al back in those days.

Captain America’s role as the second string eventually catches up with him in Cable/Deadpool #25.

The two dealers of “propane and accessories” seem to be a spoof of Hank Hill from the animated “King of the Hill” series, whose main character, Hank Hill, is a purveyor of “propane and propane accessories.”

Richard Dawson’s is best known as the host of the television game show “Family Feud.”

Larry King is a talk show host, best known for his prime time CNN show, Larry King Live.

Casper is an animated character, purportedly a “friendly ghost.”

Medulla oblongata is a part of the brain, which controls autonomic functions, such as breathing and heartbeat.

Kenny is one of the four main characters from “South Park.” In early seasons, he was best known for dying in every episode.

Uma Thurman is an American actress, known for her beauty, as well as her height.

The Muppets were a group of puppets created by Jim Henson, for both Sesame Street, as well as “the Muppet Show.”

Steven Spielberg is a famed, Academy Award-winning director. Among his films was “Saving Private Ryan,” which “Saving Private Parts” seems to be a part of. The other part seems to be “Private Parts,” the autobiographical movie of radio personality Howard Stern.

Mickey Rooney is an American actor who began a film career as a child in the 1930s. He continued working, well into his seventies.

Bob Hope was a famous entertainer, who performed in vaudeville, Broadway, radio, television and film. He is often associated with his USO performances.

Underoos are children’s underwear, which generally depicted cartoon characters on them. They were immensely popular during the 1980s.

“Rochambeau” most likely refers to the game invented by Eric Cartman from the animated “South Park” series. In the game, contestants kick each other in the groin until one gives up.

Issue Information: 
Written By: