Update 8/23:Summer of Updates GS Stories Feedback

XXTNC #21

Finally I got some time to read! I'm sorry its taken me so long to get around to this but its been on my list for ages. I loved getting back into these characters, I missed the kids and their relationships. I love James and Owen, I love their relationship! I get a real Hulkling and Wiccan vibe from them but with more character depth to it. Dennis and Marley are great too but for some reason I just don't see it lasting. I really like how Becca has matured as well, her little scene with Forge and Mystique was particularly good at doing this I thought. You wrote all the older X-Men well, I really liked what you did with Frost.
Anyway good job, the story is looking great. Only worry I have is that for all his devious sneakery I worry Bogan may be going down too easily, but I will wait and see what happens next! Off to read the next one! woo!

Can I add that if you break up Darley, you and I will have problems of the violent kind?

Originally posted by das_boot Lol, whoa whoa whoa Xtreme... jumping to conclusions much? However, I can see what Mackers is saying. Their entire relationship span out of one drunken fear-fuelled night... that doesn't necessarily make for the strongest relationship. But sometimes it can.

 

XXTNC #22

Awesome ending to the arc here. Loved the kids really getting to grips with their powers and just really proving themselves in a battle. They were really well written the fight scenes, reminded me a lot of Crutey's style for fight scenes which is something I really enjoy. Though Emma was fantastic you did a great job with her character in this and the previous issue. Interesting to see her on the main cast, hopefully though she is not completely done with Scott. Looking forward to the mentors and kids catching up and interacting next issue. There should be some really interesting developments there. Also looking forward to seeing how you are handling Sage's recovery. Nice cliffhangers at the end. I sense a really cool arc coming up about Convert and his various demonic forms!! ;)

X-Women #3

Long overdue on this review. I realy enjoyed this issue. The female dynamic you have set up here is still working really well. You are managing to bring a strong sense of their bond without it getting all feminist and man-hating. Good job with that. Alani was possibly my favourite this issue, you are doing a great job adding depth to this relatively unexplored character. Her dialogue while short is actually quite fun to read. Really interested to see her develop more, and it was great to see her reaction to her quite frankly vicious powers. Blink, Marvel Girl and Kitty were great too and I'm glad you are not ignoring or playing down the connection between Kitty and Rachael. Abby is a little off for me right now. I get her character and her motivation, but I feel her turmoil over her job and liking the girls should have played out more before she joined the group. While we all know she hated doing what the Initiative was making her do I don't think she is a strong enough person to just say no to Tony Stak even if she is on another continent. I think eventually she would but I fell it should have taken her longer. Anyway now she is part of the team I'd like to see her military training vibe with how Blink was brought up. I think of them all these two will be the edgiest member of the team in that respect. Both have killed so they have that in common. Will get to the next issue soon!

X-Women #4

Nice to see how some of the threads are tying in, brings a more coherent feel to the series. Getting Fabien's backstory was great and knowing there is a bigger secret out there behind him is interesting. Still waiting to see where Modred and Sublime will come in, especially after that little vision they shared. The characters continue to interest me, Alani again being one of my highlights. Though I will say if she starts coming up with all the ideas it might get a little tiring. The other X-women there, namely Kitty and Blink should at least be seeing some of thes things Alani is coming out with. Abby improved a little for me this issue, she was more self conscious, and more the outsider this issue, which I feel should be natural for her at this point in the story. Selene and Kevin were unexpected but interesting additions to the numerous badguys showing up in these pages. Look forward to the next one!

X-League #1-2

I really like the cast you have selected for this team. The character dynamics all work really well. You have Betsy and Warren who have some history, Paige and Warren who have some history, Nori and Julian who don't really like each other and now Amara as well, the loner or outsider of this group. While I thought Julian and Nori joining was quite natural I thought Warren's departure from the X-Men and joining with Betsy was a little contrived. I can see how she could influence him given their history but I just don't see him to be the sort of person who would just abandon the X-Men like that not to mention cut a lot of their funding. He's not Beast. Still I like that he is in this group. Waiting to see more about why Husk will decide to stay and I like what you are doing with Amara.
As for bad guys, we have an interesting collection with this Dealer guy, and the arrival of Shinobi on the scene. Though why on Earth he would go and speak to Scott I am eager to find out. The tattoo guy sounds interesting, looking forward to his involvment with the team.
Also I think you write a really good Emma and Scott. Their relationship was nicely displayed here I think.


Edited by Mackers - 08-Aug-2010 at 1:22am

Don't forget to put your solicts either in the e-mail or the solict thread. Not many solicts this time around.

Thanks for the review, XtremeOne! This is my first time doing a fan-fic or anything like this, an I'm really excited about this story. I've sent it to some of my friends and a co-worker, and most of them mentioned similar things as you. One said that the Wolverine didn't really sound like Wolverine. I'll definitely take that into consideration for the second issue which should be coming within the next week or two.
:)
Thanks again for the review!

As for my own little bit of feedback, for what it's worth, here we go (I'll edit in more as I have time to read):

New World, by Lee Austin

Well, an interesting introduction to a series for sure. For the most part, you write well, but I have to admit that there are numerous grammatical and typographical mistakes that made it somewhat distracting. I would suggest a proofread of your script, as most of these mistakes won't be picked up by a word processor. But enough of grammar! I also think that the issue might have been better finalized with the scene in the Baxter Building. The X-Men bit didn't really build off the momentum you had going previously. Aside from that stuff, the story truly was interesting and kept me hooked. I'm eager to see what happens in the next issue. Keep writing

Knights of Greymalkin, by Mitch Crane

Considering that this is my first time in here reading and contributing to THOIN, it's rather difficult for me to understand what's going on in your guys' stories. Fortunately, yours was very easy to get into, and I thoroughly enjoyed the story, despite not knowing the background. I think that's a sign of a good writer. I didn't necessarily HAVE to have read everything else to still be entertained by your story. I have to say, I love the KOG universe so far. Very unique and thrilling! Keep writing!

ps. thanks for your help in getting me started

Edited by Le Diable Blanc - 29-Aug-2010 at 4:07am

Thanks for the feedback, Josh and Daniel.

Josh - yeah, recapping will happen, sorta. Roman and I have an origins title in the works where we're writing the shiz that went down to create the Alliance, how Xaves and Mags were murdered, and what changes Emma made, and the attacks on the Avengers, Fantastic Four, X-Men, all that jazz and how it all worked.

As for Kiden... she's kinda the internal antagonist for now. At the start of the series (way back when, if you recall) she was one of the first students brought back, and she was on the initial New X-Men team set up by Iceman and Polaris. That just got ripped away from her, so she's totally pissed about it. Come to think of it, a LOT of the kids are pissed, and all for different reasons. But Kiden's interaction between Parker and Cordie is pretty fun to write, because Kiden just doesn't hold back. She has no behavior filter, she just acts on impulse.

Daniel - Mistress' doubt isn't over with, so be warned. She's so new to this and just has instincts to go on. She has no idea what the others think about what kind of job she's doing. The kids are on this ridiculous emotional roller coaster with everything that's been happening. None of them actually have any substantial bonds, which is why I'm really looking forward to the next issue of New X-Men. All this time, they really have only been shown well working together on the field. They all suck at being friends, and with no pending doom on their shoulders, it's like... well what the f**k, I guess we have to talk.